Of summer love and the sea

I wish I was free to go back to the era of summer love and daisies in the field. To run with the wind in my hair, our hair, and feel effortless light but liquid like the air around us. Smell the sea breeze from far. If I thought about it, I would like to travel more, see the gondolas in Venice and the pyramids of Egypt, privy to more secrets than you or I could ever imagine. Open my eyes to the love of life, to the unconditional love dripping from the eyes of my golden Labrador. Look into the mirror, have the freedom to move to different places,different times. I wish I was elegant like the tango and the ballet and be invisible because the possibilities are beyond imagination. I'd like to paint, bold colors of red,green,peacock blue and gold.But also mix in the subtle mauve and white, a dot of black for that is life.Brilliant vibrant strokes across the wall, across time itself. Bring an angel along, a blessing for everyone, but remember the red at the center of your eyes like a camera flash. Block prints, dyes,flaming orange skirts with bells at the fringe, streak of blue through midnight black hair. Walk along the sea shore, wonder about the other side of the ocean, at the exact same spot, is someone standing there too? Wishing upon a star? With pristine white gloves and shoes to match. Someone who looks through her veil and has to return..Or is it someone who stands there with a grimy shirt but free as the wind and the sea in front of her. Is it you? Looking at yourself from afar wondering if this is what it means to be alive.

The way you are

Do you believe in Karma? That whatever that is meant to happen will ultimately happen how much ever you try and make it go your way? What if you were meant to think that way in the first place? That is written for you to feel that way. You think that by making those choices and behaving in a certain way you are trying to change your fate. But those thoughts and the sequence leading to those thoughts was the way you were meant to think. That doesn't mean you sit back and take life as it comes. But even by doing everything that you are, and by living the kind of life you have is going to take a certain path irrespective of your decisions. Yes. Another debatable topic because we don't have an inkling about the external forces in this world. Are there even any external forces? I don't know and neither do you. But what about that gut feeling? That little voice that pipes up when you are going to do make a decision.Even if it is as small as is it going to be a Tiramisu or the Raspberry cheesecake? Do you just ignore it and still have that slight feeling of 'what if' or would you go by what it tells you?
I don't claim to be one of those sad women types who have to take on all the troubles of the family and world in general, but when do you start thinking for yourself? When is it what YOU want and not what your family, friends and even society wants out of you? I don't mean to even imply that it is easy for men, but how do you deal with expectation? How do you deal with the wants of you to be a good daughter, cousin, aunt, mother, friend and even a good neighbor and a part of good 'society'? Do you just do what you know that they think is right? Or do you do what your gut feeling tells you? And you know that by saying 'you have to strike a balance' is easier said that done and both the points of view and opinions are completely opposite.

Or do you want and need some just-be time?

salt and saffron

Once upon a time, there were 2 girls. lets call them P and Q. This once upon a time can be now, 50 yrs back or 50 yrs into the future.My mathematical genius of a mind is saying that i am now in the middle of the bell curve(ok.im not so sure.so what?? ). OK.back to the point. P and Q were happlily living in the city W. P was what u can call a 'homely', 'nice' and all the words associated with 'good girls'. especially in a city like W, which is just about starting to accept there are other things in life than studies, weddings,work and kids. movies, coffee shops, and clubs(oh!!shocking!! do u actually GO there???) are mushrooming around the city. so u can think of a place that has its mixture of kacheri and the 'club culture'. P is from a family that 'protects' their women. going out after 6 PM, wearing jeans, etc are all frowned upon by the elders in the family as foward behaviour."look at this generation" they all say, "the kind of things they do.what is going to happen to their children.they are going to grow up with no culture" is their favourite line, forgetting that their parents said that about them and their parents and the so on till 12 century B.C. although they call themselves 'modern'. "why??whats wrong with us?? we allow our girls to go to college, and work. we also let them have a say in the boy we choose for them. we are very modern. in my time, i dint meet my husband until the wedding day.consider yourself lucky, young woman."

Q was from a 'liberal' family. She was brought up with the same freedom as her brother. She could wear whatever she wants(although no noodle straps as her dad would put it), go out late(not after 10 pm)club once in a while, hang out with her friends.after all everyone has to draw the line somewhere with girls. Her parents trusted her and she dint let them down by having a boyfriend. Boys who are friends are fine. but no BOYFRIEND. and there was no pressure on her as such to get married, although she finished college a year back. "take sometime for yourself till next year" her parents said and she was ok with it. "what more could a girl ask for? she's enjoying herself now.she's not ready to get married. when she is,we'll tell you" said her parsnts.

Now life was all hunky-dory for both the sets of parents, and family, other than the occasional outburst of an argument. nothing that a little emotional blackmail can't put an end to. thats what we all are specialists at aren't we? epecially as we grow older. "is this how you repay your parents after ALL we have done for you?? girls your age should be married. only then it will put you in your place. Thats why they always say you should get your daugheter married early.If you dont, they will start getting too independent".

About the girls. Although P was brought up to be quiet and that jazz, she really enjoyed going out. whether it was movies, an occasional lunch with friends, shopping, she was always the center of attention. she loved cutting ancient history class and watching the first day first show on friday mornings of popular movies. Her quiet demeanour belied her actual self. Although Q hung out with a group who liked to go out and have fun, she was an introvert. She preferred spending time with friends and family instead of saturday night out. Her idea of a good time was reading a book and munching chocolate and having her best friend stay over for the night.

Now, we know what kind of girls P and Q are, what kind of families they have and what kind of a city W is. But do we really KNOW what kind of PEOPLE they are? what they really like? what DO they do for fun? what is it that makes them tick? Has anyone cared to find out? The family and the so called friends and neighbours, 'society' . Not being judgemental is all it takes. Let each person be who they are. Who they ultimetely grow up to be. Of course, discipline has to be instilled as a child. The 'society' we grow up in is confused by itself. Can we meet even one person who knows what he or she wants? or what family wants from him? on one hand they say they want us to be happy and do what we want.But when we do, it is wrong. Who makes these rules? who says that this and that should or shouldnt be done.

At the end of the day there is no prize for being a good woman. Are the ones who did the 'bad' things when they were young living in some godforaken part of the world in shame? they are all either happily married/single/divorced just like the rest of us. Then what is all this fuss about? As long as you dont intentionally harm or hurt anyone, why cant we just BE? Thats all every woman wants, right? To have time for themselves, so that they can get to know who they really are. And not who they HAVE to be. The good girl, the good wife, the good mother.